Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Anger and Sterotypes

Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.
Mahatma Gandhi

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.
Louis L'Amour

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
Buddha


I have no idea why I get so angry. Growing up I was the last person to get angry. My parents, teachers, coaches and friends can attest to this. I am not sure when I began to exhibit physical signs of my anger. I don't tend to get angered with everyone, I get angered by people that fulfill their particular stereotype. These and ignorant people. Again, I have no idea when I started to get angry and physically show it.

I get most angry at people that are ignorant. This makes school very hard for me. All of my classes have been filled with "children" and "stereotypes" as much as I have tried to hold my tongue and not have an outburst of anger I believe it has affected my relationship my family.

I haven't been able to overcome my anger. I tried drinking, I became an alcoholic, I have been alcohol free for over 1 year now. Until today I was anger free for 1 week.

I'm just so grateful for my amazing family. Do not know if the anger is tied to PTSD. Only time will tell.

2 comments:

  1. A good friend of mine was badly injured 25+ years ago in a building collapse. They didn't use the name "PTSD" back then, but that's what he got (along with a ton of physical problems).

    He never wants to talk about it. He avoids any discussion of it. As he explained to me once, he has a single way he can tell the story that doesn't give him problems. But, he says, if he wavers from that story line, if he talks about other details or answers questions, "there are demons in those shadows and they will consume me." He likened it to a twisty footpath through a room full of black flames. Even telling me that much took a lot of effort.

    What little I know of his experience has shown me this: it won't go away on its own. The more he's held it in, the more he's tried to "deal with it" or "be a man", the worse he's gotten. He's always been the guy with the humorous response, the quick smile, the "I'm doing fine" answer. His whole persona is a very thin mask of cheeriness; underneath he's completely miserable. He knows he needs help but refuses to get it -- he's too frightened of the pain it'd take to work through it after all these years.

    Don't be that guy.

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  2. At least he is able to put up a cheerful facade. Most of the time I'm not able to do that. I do not talk about the tings that happened to me hardly ever. When I do it is with my wife and only the good things. I talk about them because of the "black flames" they do consume an individual if you let them. Thank you for the comment Anon.

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