Friday, February 8, 2013

Psycho Vets....

A link was sent to me by 13Stoploss earlier today and I thought I'd share it here with everyone.

What upsets me is that it is common place to assume all soldiers have PTSD. Well not all soldiers do, those that do, in my personal experience, are more likely to turn to the bottle or pills than a gun. That is just a personal observation. I personally have rage issues. When I get irritated it doesn't take much for me to fly off the handle and yell or break things. Do I have a problem? Yes, yes I do. I know this. Have I ever hurt someone in a fit of rage? Nope, never have. I am a trained veteran with 2 tours in Iraq and would never dream or hurting an innocent individual. There are people out there that need to be killed, but I'm not in that business anymore. I'll leave the killing to the military. I'm tired of the PTSD excuse. I'm tired of hearing that vets aren't stable.
The problem isn't with us, the problem is with all the bullshit spread by the mainstream media outlets. They spread lies about how vets are just timebombs waiting to explode, well, well we're not. We're no more likely to explode than the next man. Let me let everyone on a couple things:
We are fathers
We are mothers
We are brothers and sisters
We have hopes and dreams
We feel happy sad
We get angry and depressed
We are black, white, brown, yellow and red
We are made of flesh and blood like everyone else
We bleed, sweat and cry

What makes us different is we HAVE ALREADY paid our dues.
We have bled, sweated and cried for YOU. You, the citizens of the nation we stood up to defend, ostracize us. Treat us as if we don't belong here in your "perfect" society. Well, let me let you in on a secret...We're the reason your "perfect" society exists. We kept the wolves at bay. We did so in order to provide a place for you that is safe, so you don't have to be worried about being pulled out of your comfy beds in the middle of the night. We answered the call so you could mock us and fear us. We, the sons and daughters of America, have watched our friends die in our arms. I have words for all of you that call us crazy or unfit, but they're not very eloquent and would make me look uneducated, so I shall hold my tongue.

To all of you politicians, I'd say what I want to say but I'd probably have the FBI knocking on my door within the hour, so I shall edit it and use gentler words. You sit up there in DC in your fancy offices wearing your fancy suits that would cost me my paycheck for the month and you talk about cutting military pay. You talk about taking my guns, you can keep on talking. You can take my money, you can tax me into the grave, but I will not give up my freedoms that I protected. Get down off your damn pedestals and come live like an average American for once. Come down here and work for a day. Then, maybe then, I'd have some respect for you. Probably not, but maybe.

Ok, rant complete. FOX3, out

Thursday, January 17, 2013

New Year, New Ideas...

Well, the end of the world has come and gone and we are all here. So that was a crock, no big deal. Now we have a whole new set of problems to deal with. Tax increases, gun control scares, drought and a truck load of other stuff. I don't follow the news too much because it depresses me. Frankly I'm scared to death, I don't think I'm going to make enough money to pay the bills. I'd like to tell the senate and congress a few things: 1st- I make enough money to pay the bills, barely, right now. What the hell do I pay your sorry asses for? I served my country and asked no questions. I went where I was told and did as I was told. Why is it that I now can barely afford to live? 2nd- Hey Mr. President, If you want guns registered and want to take away some of them, come and get mine. I'd be honored to have you as my guest. We'll have a nice sit down talk about how you want to take away my RIGHT to defend myself and my home. Then we'll talk about your inability to convince me that you have my best interests at heart. 3rd- More taxes on my to pay for welfare, medicaid, medicare and other government handouts? Get bent!! Go pound sand!!! I've got words for you, but I was told the excessive use of sterotypical "4 letter words" make you look ignorant and undeucated. I work for my money, I have never accepted a hand out. Your shitty system for doling out "rewards" for NOT working makes me sick. There needs to be more rules surrounding your "entitlements" than what you currently have. 4th- I need to wait till I cool off to go any farther with my ideations. All I'll say is "Come and take it"

Sunday, March 25, 2012

My Eulogy

I recently exited the National Guard after serving 3 years. I never deployed with them, it was a means to an end. I joined because they waved some cash in my face and said I wouldn't have to deploy. Before that I served about 5yrs active duty. In that time I met some of the best people in the world(I'm biased). When I first joined the Army I did something most 19-20yr old individuals never have to do. I had a will created. That was 8 years ago. I look back and question if I made a good impact on my leaders and soldiers lives. What would people say about me in a eulogy? Would people reveal my inner kindness? The pain I've felt at the small things? Whether or not they thought I was a "bad-ass"?
I know it's a morbid subject, but recently I've been looking back at my life, like Socrates advocated, trying to understand where I'm coming from and where I've been. These things are important to me, I want to impact peoples lives for the better, I don't want to be that guy that causes someone to hold a grudge against me. I know that I can hold one better than most, so trust me, it's not worth it.

To whoever writes my eulogy, in public you don't have to tell the truth about me, just leave the negative out of the speech in front of my family. Away from my family, say whatever you'd like. Thank you

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Anger and Sterotypes

Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding.
Mahatma Gandhi

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.
Louis L'Amour

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

I have no idea why I get so angry. Growing up I was the last person to get angry. My parents, teachers, coaches and friends can attest to this. I am not sure when I began to exhibit physical signs of my anger. I don't tend to get angered with everyone, I get angered by people that fulfill their particular stereotype. These and ignorant people. Again, I have no idea when I started to get angry and physically show it.

I get most angry at people that are ignorant. This makes school very hard for me. All of my classes have been filled with "children" and "stereotypes" as much as I have tried to hold my tongue and not have an outburst of anger I believe it has affected my relationship my family.

I haven't been able to overcome my anger. I tried drinking, I became an alcoholic, I have been alcohol free for over 1 year now. Until today I was anger free for 1 week.

I'm just so grateful for my amazing family. Do not know if the anger is tied to PTSD. Only time will tell.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


I've always had a gigantic fear of the dentist, today was no exception. I had 2 extractions preformed today. Top, left side 2nd to last; bottom, right side last tooth. I have almost no molars. This comes on the heels of 1 root canal, 1 stainless steel cap and 8 fillings! Oh well, high as a kite, about to have some soup :) Good night all

Thursday, February 3, 2011

All About Me

Today I have a speech assignment due. It's due in about 4hrs. I have 3-5mins to stand in front of the class and talk about myself. I so desire to spend the whole time scaring the shit out of people with the horrors of war, but I know that isn't the right thing to do.

I had to listen to some Air force kid talk about being a JTAC he was only in for 6months before he was discharged for bad eyesight...I think the JTAC school takes 6months, sooo he never made it I'd guess. Some girl talking about her 19yr old boy toy already having done 3tours over that is possible, but highly improbable. It irks me to no end.

I also need to bring a visual prop, hmmm what to bring? My haji scarf? A uniform top? Wear my combat boots? or how bout the Qu'ran I got off a dead Haji? Who knows. Maybe I won't even talk about it at all...who knows.

I just wish some days that I would have never done the Army thing. I just want to be a "normal" 25yr old male. I hate being as old as some as my teachers, it's hard to listen to them. I don't get quite as angry anymore, I've been seeing a VA Dr for PTSD, I've told my fiance about things and its seemed to help.

I geuss I should get to writing my speech.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

RIP SPC Alvarez

I can honestly say I don't know what to feel. I lost a soldier in a tragic motorcycle accident.(Obituary here) I'm some what shocked it happened, Joseph Alvarez was an excellent soldier, a credit to his family and an example for all other soldiers. I never had any complaints about anything he did. He will truly be missed by all. God bless the Alvarez family.