Why is it that we us the color blue to represent sadness? The color blue is used on 58 national flags, the Russian word for light blue is used to describe homosexuals, and was a color of royalty back in the middle ages. The word blue derives it's meaning from about half a dozen languages. Interesting to think about when we describe someone as "true blue" or someone that's "feeling blue". My computer is blue, most of my shirts are blue, i wear blue jeans, my favorite color is blue. I use all these things as a preface...
I've been sorta blue all day. When I got to thinking about it I realized that I don't have it that bad. The water is a calming blue, the sky is a cheery blue, I look decent in blue; but why do I feel so down and out? Am I depressed? Stressed? Unfulfilled? Lost? The answer, I have no idea. I have no real idea about how I'm feeling. Yes, sometimes I just want to drive away to a new town, a new place, sever all ties with my past and start anew. I dream of it, but know I'll never be able to. We all carry our past around in our heads, emotional burdens, heartaches, pain, joy and a host of other bullshit.
By looking at me you'd never know that I had such baggage. I'm a decent looking [I think] guy, relatively smart, an average sense of humor and a charming smile. I've got a wonderful girlfriend, great parents and great friends. I drive a nice car, live in a nice apartment and wear nice clothes. You'd never guess that there's something wrong inside me. I don't know what's wrong but I feel there is something wrong.
I seriously think I'm fucked in the head. Maybe it was Iraq, maybe I was dropped as a child maybe I got some kind of disorder from touching something. I want to be the center of attention but in an unimportant way. I feel lost but people look to me for direction. I just don't want to worry about where I'm going, what I'm going to do, how I'm going to survive in this world.
What to do what to do.
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